


Searching Gaps

by Uniasus



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternative Timeline, Brotherhood, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 09:48:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1092481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uniasus/pseuds/Uniasus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanda knew it and Marie knew it, and maybe their general did too but Tiedoll never mentioned it so they were never sure. </p><p>They used to share a soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Searching Gaps

**Author's Note:**

> First on ff.net about two years ago. This takes place after the Alma Karma arc, when Allen's free thanks to Tyki.

Kanda knew it and Marie knew it, and maybe their general did too but Tiedoll never mentioned it so they were never sure. 

They used to share a soul.

Actually, they still do. But their spirits are different, a true testament to the idea that nurturing has a greater effect on a person than nature. Because really, Kanda and Marie? Completely different people.

On the surface anyway. They both actually are deeply loyal people. Committed too. Keep to themselves. And are searching for someone.

Perhaps that is why Yu actually likes going on missions with the blind exorcist. When assigned a mission with anyone else he moves quick and fast to get things over with, but with Marie…well, with Marie he still moves quick and fast but he delays reporting and leaving for his next mission to spend time with his-

Yu is not entirely sure what to call Marie, as they share something deeper than friendship.

Tiedoll calls them brothers, and Yu doesn’t actually mind. Though he does mind Tiedoll’s claims of fatherhood. (If anything, his father would be Zhu. But Tiedoll could be a second one, a foster.) 

Perhaps it is this same soul that makes Noise always take Kanda’s side, even though the younger man isn’t always correct. It is most certainly the reason why he doesn’t believe it when he is told Kanda is dead, his innocence no longer linked with him. (He’s had dreams, long ago, of a young Kanda holding a rusted looking, wing sprouting sword, and if he could use Mugen then he most certainly could now.) 

Kanda’s copy-soul doesn’t call to him, though Noise has wondered (but never asked) if the original calls to Kanda. Noise does know that they resonate, that being near each other makes them both happy and confident and a little less guarded. 

Now, in Italy doing a sweep for Allen (the 14th, the traitor, the runaway, the boy who sent Kanda away, the friend who helped him) he can feel that resonation and it never crosses Noise’s mind to not go towards it. 

He finds Kanda half starved, judging by the feel of his ribs, leaning against a pillar in a ruined underground city, breathing shallow and dust coating his pants. This close, Noise can feel Kanda’s soul is cracked, leaking, that he is not whole and small bits of him have left. His hair, once a deep midnight black, he now suspects is paler, more like the color of the sky, recalling the briefings he got out of the science staff and Zhu. 

After all, Kanda’s body is deeply linked with his soul, more so than others, because it’s not really his (or real) and they had to be artificially bond.

Noise doesn’t even think about what to do with Kanda, he just does. Lifts him up and walks out of the ruins, relying on his ability to hear the wind to navigate to the small town to the south. He’s glad he is currently without a finder, as he checks Kanda into a room and then fetches a doctor. 

Souls and spirits and wills are powerful things, able to keep a body going long after it should not (and not just Kanda, hadn’t Allen done so numerous times? healing his arm and moving his limbs), but Kanda has so little left it does not heal him, merely keeps him alive. Noise sits next to his brother, his other, potential self, staring at tubes and watching the doctor bustle around him. The innkeeper’s daughter is kind, she brings him food. 

It takes awhile, but eventually Kanda’s body heals and he’s awake and blinking at the ceiling. 

“Marie?” he calls, but it not really a question, not really, as he can feel the resonance between them. His voice just rises as it cracks on a dry throat.

Noise hands him a glass of water, and Kanda almost chokes on it in his haste to drink. Noise hands over a bit of bread as well, leftovers from his own supper. 

Yu wants to ask ‘how did you find me?’ because Walker said no one would be able to, but this is Marie and things are different because of that. The better question is why, no not why, because again it is Marie. How?

“Shouldn’t you be doing a mission?”

“I am, but there is nothing to stop me from taking a break and resting for awhile. It’s a wondering mission, rather like those of a general.” It came through Central, just as there were generals searching for accommodators there should be generals searching for Noah and taking them out. But it was determined increasing ranks was more important and one didn’t have to be a general to deal with a Noah, so Noise was still a normal exorcist. Except he was the only one who didn’t have a tie to Allen, who didn’t see him as a close friend and companion. The only one the Order could count on to not hesitate to deal a killing blow if needed (except he would, for what he did for Kanda, but the Order didn’t know that, didn’t need to know that) and thus he was the one sent out.

It’s almost surprising how Kanda’s next question is about Allen. But then again, the young exorcist had sacrificed much, Noise knows, to allow Kanda and Alma (and where is he? Noise wonders until he remembers the dust, dead than) the time to be together and Kanda is not stupid. He knows Allen could not have escaped his action.

Noise responds that before he talks about Allen, he wants to talk about Kanda. He has gotten reports on what has happened, but they feel like facets of the truth. Kanda’s story is the one he wants to hear, and once he does Noise still feels as if there is something missing, some piece that is important not only to Kanda but to him too. 

He has a feeling Allen has it.

“Your turn,” Yu says, shifting against his pillows. “What happened to Walker?”

When Yu hears, he pales. Walker had briefly turned into a Noah when Yu had stabbed him, true, but he had come back around. Walker, contrary to most out loud comments Yu made about him, was a strong fighter, and hearing this most recent news piles a double helping of guilt on Yu’s soul. He was responsible for Walker’s transformation. And he won’t be able to keep the promise he had made to himself for Walker sake – kill the Noah so Walker’s trapped soul won’t have to know the anguish of having killed those you love.

That’s a pain he knows doubly now, and his shoulders sink with the weight (though his hands are light, without Mugen). 

“You’re not to go looking for Allen,” Marie commands.

“Che, I know that. I don’t have Mugen, and I’m on my last life.”

Not that he doesn’t want to help his friend, but Yu has never been so aware of his clock before now. He cannot die before he finds her, and now that all restrictions to such a task are gone Yu can’t pass it up. 

“You are going to look for _that person_ then, are you?” Marie asks.

“Yes, I will not stop until I find her.”

Something rings in Noise’s chest, for he knew Kanda had someone on his mind he needed to find but he never knew it’s a woman. Noise too had a woman, someone who he met on a mission to India and made a point of visiting every time he was in the area. The Order didn’t know of their affair, didn’t know of her accommodator status because Noise kept it that way. Her village needed her, and he needed her to not live his life and for her water garden of lotus flowers to be a safe haven for him to in real life and in his mind. 

“Do you know how to find her? Can I help? What does she look like, I can be an extra set of eyes.”

Kanda snorts, Noise being blind and all, knowing what she looks like won’t help, and stares at his brother.

Noise can feel the glare, and some unbidden thought crosses his mind. They’ve never actually talked about their time at the Asian Branch and their relationship to each other and the Second Exorcist Project. But Noise has known Kanda all his life, well, all his life in the real world, and not once does he recall Kanda meeting a woman who fascinated him to such an extent she haunted him after years and years. Who said it had to be Kanda’s haunting? (Maybe it was his own) 

“Tell me what you know of her, regardless.”

Yu racks his mind, for while he has seen her several times he still cannot recall the particulars of her face; they are blurred and full of light, overcome by some bright source behind her. 

“She is taller than me,” he begins, looking at his brother but not really seeing him, “and she likes to dance. She likes water too, and lotus flowers. She has a staff too, it has a ball on the end and reaches her shoulder.”

And her name is Nalia, Noise thinks, and she promised to wait for me forever. But when he went to see her the first time after he met Kanda, she wasn’t there. And she wasn’t at the Order, so she hadn’t been forced to become an exorcist. She had gone, left him.

We share a soul, we share a death, why wouldn’t we share her?

But he has already given up on her, is searching for love in the German eyes of another. And Kanda’s voice tells Noise that at this moment she is what he has lived for for years and will continue to live for. The need to see her outweighing the loyalty and commitment he feels towards all the friends he’s made in his nine years of life (Kanda grew quickly, or did he just skip childhood entirely due to what he went through?). 

Kanda didn’t need to hear all that though; that his heart would be broken, that he would never find her, and that Noise knew exactly who he was talking about. 

When they split up a week later, Yu well enough to be on his own, the Japanese does something he had only done once. He had done it to Walker, a guy who undoubtedly deserved it, but Marie had earned it a long time ago. 

“Thank you, Noise Marie,” he says as they stand side by side just outside the inn. 

“For what?”

“For…everything. From pulling that arrow out of my shoulder to today.” He looks at his brother, wishing Marie could see the sincerity in his eyes, but knows that he is picking it up in his voice. 

“You’re, you’re welcome,” Marie chokes out, and Yu watches his face crack due to some internal thought he cannot understand. “India. Maybe you should try there.”

Yu nods. There are lotuses in India, so it’s a good place to start, and while it’s a secondary small thought, he thinks that Walker had spend a good deal of time in the country and maybe he went back. (Did Marie know that and say India on purpose?)

What really captures his attention though is the look on Marie’s face. It’s the same expression that was on Walker’s when he was going to say something, only to be stopped by Alma. What had he held back then? And what was Marie holding back now?

“Marie?”

“Thank you too, Yu Kanda, for all that you have done for me. And take care. I don’t wish this to be the last time I see my brother.”

He wanted to ‘che’, as was his reflex. Of course it wouldn’t be the last time they saw each other, for he is Kanda who never stays injured long…oh. Right. 

“I will if you do,” he says softly, a smile tugging painfully at the corner of his lips. Marie actually starts, but then smiles. 

“Deal.” And then he turns off to search for Walker and Kanda desperately hopes he finds him. 

But first, he has to find someone himself.

**Author's Note:**

> The first time I read DGM I was really confused by how Marie and Kanda were connected. The second time I read it, I got the impression that Marie was Kanda and thus this fic idea was born (even though I’ve only recently written it). I mean, Kanda’s original soul/mind had to still be out there for Allen to not see it when he saw Alma’s, right? But then I was really confused, because if that was the case you’d think you’d see more of it in the fandom and I’ve never come across it. 
> 
> So I did research, and apparently Marie was simply scheduled to become part of the experiment, not already a part of it. But Marie does say he was modified to be an exorcist ch 193, pg 17, so maybe they’re both copies of an original? 
> 
> Regardless, it was an idea that needed expressing and I’d love to hear your thoughts


End file.
